Friday, December 18, 2009

6 Months

I keep counting how long it's been since we met the carinitos, and said goodbye. I don't know why...sometimes it's to keep from thinking it was a cruel dream, and sometimes it's to remind myself that I've survived. Whatever it is, it's been 6 months since we first met them.

Sean and I went to Kroger last night. I needed some candy canes for school Friday, and some marshmallows. I was walking down the aisle and saw a familiar face. It was a student from last year. "Hi N!" I said. He turned and looked at me and smiled. "Hi Mrs. D!" and then the dreadful part, "How are your kids?"

We still get this. We will for a long time I suppose. Hundreds of people have been praying with us for the adoption for nearly 3 years--we are deeply grateful for the prayers.

I tried to snap out of my immediate flood of memories and sadness. "We couldn't adopt them." is my standard reply. Of course he asked why, but I just kinda ignore it. "So how come you're not teaching then?" "Well I am...I'm just not at PL anymore."

While the pain is different now, I never stop thinking of the carinitos.

Yet I still belong to you;
you hold my right hand.
24You guide me with your counsel,
leading me to a glorious destiny.
25Whom have I in heaven but you?
I desire you more than anything on earth.
26My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
but God remains the strength of my heart;
he is mine forever.
Psalm 73