Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Three years later

Three years ago, April 28th, marked the day we received our referral for the four children. It was the day we'd waited 3 years for. We were going to be parents.

The following days were filled with anticipation and pretty much frenzied preparation. Until we had the referral, we could tentatively make ready, but the massive clothing, toy and child accoutrement acquisition happened after the referral came. May was full of yard sales, thrift stores, sorting through things people gave us, and figuring out where in the world we were going to put all this new stuff. Cause it was a lot! And we were so excited. Nervous, but excited.

It's only natural than, that the following Mays, Junes and Julys have been difficult. So many reminders.

Last summer, we decided to try to add happy memories to June. We desperately needed it, with M-Day and F-day falling in those 3 months along with everything else.

Blessedly, we did. But the Lord, in His grace, gave us more. He gave us a child.

Our son is due right around the time we left Colombia. He could even be born on one of the days we were there. Days that have only been filled with grief and sadness, will now have added to them, joy. Redemption. Grace.

This has never escaped us. As I folded laundry yesterday, i thought back to three years ago when I was doing the same thing. Folding bigger laundry then, tiny laundry now. Every time I hold a little shirt, I am reminded of how much mercy God has bestowed upon us. I feel so humbled that He has given us the gift of a child, the gift of a span of time that has meant only sadness until now.

He has added joy to our sorrow. They will forever live alongside each other, as a mother never forgets her children. The experiences we've had will make me a different mother than I was three years ago.

May God's kingdom come and His will be done.