Saturday, April 20, 2013

10 months old

My sweet son is 10 months old already! He had an MRI at the beginning of April to finally get to the bottom of his rapid head growth. And the result is "Benign Macrocrania." He has a little extra fluid, but absolutely no pressure on the brain. And the fluid isn't causing the growth. So the Doc's thought is that he'll just grow into his head at some point.

Meanwhile, the boy is wearing 5T hats...

It was such a relief to get that final determination of normal brain and skull growth. His motor skills have caught up from being premature and having a massive head to work at holding up, and he's right on track developmentally now.  But we're in no hurry for him to walk. His trunk is still his weakest part, and every day spent crawling and scooting just makes him stronger!

For some reason, maybe because it's spring, I've been thinking about the ninos a lot. Like constantly. Or maybe it's because H is turning 15 this summer, and I'm having a hard time not worrying she's going to be kicked out on her own. But we also have been going through the bedroom where all of their things have been stored. Sweetie boy is already wearing some of the clothes we had for the youngest nino. The toys have been well loved by neighbors and family. But H's clothes have been in a drawer.

I break down in sobs every time I open the drawer. Today, I pulled the clothes out while J played on the floor next to me. I cried as I put them into a box. I cried as I looked in the closet and pulled out a gift bag someone had given us right before we left for Colombia that we didn't have time to put away-the gifts were all still inside.

I'm beginning to understand why I have such a hard time parting with their things. The boys' clothes aren't as difficult because we had to take nearly all of them with us, and what's left I'm just saving for J. H's things are much harder.

The act of giving up the clothes somehow signifies in my mind that the children no longer exist. But that's not true. It's like in my mind if I get rid of their things, they'll somehow cease to be.

Once again, I'm reminded how much sadness can coexist with happiness.

May the Lord bless them and keep them.