When you're stuck in the middle of grief, anxiety, confusion, hurt, anger and depression, it's hard to see how God has moved in your life; how he's worked on your character, built up your faith, shaped humility and deepened compassion. But after a while, sometimes a long while, has gone by, you may be able to see some of how God has used you to tell His story.
Last weekend, I experienced being fully present in the moment. I didn't confuse that moment with previous moments. I was able to just be "me". My little nephew was very upset that he couldn't ride home in the tractor with his daddy. He was carried inside and I picked him up to comfort and console him. I held him for 7 minutes or so, and when he was calm, we went to go play in the garden dirt.
It wasn't until 5 hours later that it hit me. I had no negative emotional response when I picked him up and he was angry and crying. No flashbacks of our experiences parenting. Nothing. I had been calm, handled the emotions from my nephew calmly and lovingly with no problem.
That is cause to rejoice! And I did. Not jumping up or down or anything, but I had tears of thankfulness. My Lord has given me the strength to endure this past year and has taken away much of my distress.