Friday, September 10, 2010

Stepping Forward

When you're stuck in the middle of grief, anxiety, confusion, hurt, anger and depression, it's hard to see how God has moved in your life; how he's worked on your character, built up your faith, shaped humility and deepened compassion. But after a while, sometimes a long while, has gone by, you may be able to see some of how God has used you to tell His story.

Last weekend, I experienced being fully present in the moment. I didn't confuse that moment with previous moments. I was able to just be "me". My little nephew was very upset that he couldn't ride home in the tractor with his daddy. He was carried inside and I picked him up to comfort and console him. I held him for 7 minutes or so, and when he was calm, we went to go play in the garden dirt.

It wasn't until 5 hours later that it hit me. I had no negative emotional response when I picked him up and he was angry and crying. No flashbacks of our experiences parenting. Nothing. I had been calm, handled the emotions from my nephew calmly and lovingly with no problem.

That is cause to rejoice! And I did. Not jumping up or down or anything, but I had tears of thankfulness. My Lord has given me the strength to endure this past year and has taken away much of my distress.

2 comments:

Jacq & Jason said...

Hey Girl! Just wanted you to know that I still pray for you and your family. I am excited to hear that you have stepped forward.

wordsmith said...

What a powerful post! I can relate just a little bit - while I didn't go through what you did - I know what it is like to be going through some really crappy things and then look back and see how God has been working. So thankful for you and your husband :)