I don't like my job anymore. It rules my life. It makes my stomach knot up most days. I come home exhausted, mad, cranky and wanting to give up. Because of the environment, kids are afraid to talk. I then have to fight that to get them to learn.
Basically, most days I feel like my life stinks. I'm unhappy, rushed, tired, frustrated, and just fed up with life being this way.
Yes, I have a job (and I should be sooo thankful) and I have house (I should be soo thankful) and I'm not sick. But the one thing, the only thing, I want I can't have. I hear other people say how blessed they are..because they have kids. And that's all I want!!! Why can't I have that? I honestly could care less, at this point, where I lived or how much money we made. I can't even spend time with the people I want to spend time with either.
I am so mad! I'm so mad I'm crying. So there you have it. I hold it in all day long. But when I come home, the anxiety, suppression, frustration and indignation comes flowing out. And I hate that. I want to relax and enjoy home. But I can't. Cause it's all gotta come out somewhere.
5 comments:
Dear Ange,
I know we really don't know each other but I started following your blog awhile ago. Long before your journey to Colombia and when I still dreamed of my turn. For what ever the reason... you and your family have been in my prayers consistently since then. I saw your children in the newsletter too (before they were matched with you) and I prayed for them as well. I sure don't understand all that you are hurting from but I pray for you. Every time you post and many times in-between I pray for you. I pray for your peace, your marriage, your future and most of all for God to continue to work in your life. I do understand your anger. Though I do not pretend to be in your shoes... my heart was ripped out when our adoption was canceled (we were never matched) so a very small piece of our story is similar. And I have felt that pain.
Anyway, I can only hope that knowing that God has placed you, a perfect stranger, on my heart will give a little comfort. So sending you a cyber hug and knowing lots of prayers will be going up for you tonight.
Angie,
I wish I could say something that would make you feel better, but I don't think such words exist. Know, though, that I am praying for you and my heart hurts for your situation. You are a beautiful, wonderful, incredibly strong woman. I have always admired your faith, and that is especially true now.
Lots of love,
Meredith
I hope things get better for you soon. I know I often feel frustrated also in different ways.
I have added you to my prayer list. May God Bless You.
Angie,
I am a high school English teacher AND I FEEL THE SAME WAY! The passion I once had is gone and frustration has taken its place. Its hard to enjoy life when work follows you wherever you go :(
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