That sounds harsh, doesn't it? But it's true, for me anyway. Oh, I'm sure it has roots in pride, somewhere, but if I look deep it's something else entirely: FEAR.
So why is being told, "God has a plan" not comforting? Because after experiencing this pain, there is no guarantee that God's plan will be void of more pain. It very well indeed could include more pain and more suffering. And the Bible even says that is what we should expect, and that we should count it all joy. Being told that the Lord will bless us carries the same feelings. Blessing from the Lord are not the "easy life" we are often fooled into thinking they are.
It could be that a blessing the Lord gives us is a deepened empathy for others experiencing pain. So from a selfish stanpoint, that's not comforting because it doesn't really benefit me. Maybe the blessing is the opportunity to minister to others because we aren't ministering to our children. Well, I can't see (with my human limitations) how that is a blessing when the Bible talks about children being a blessing! I want the latter one!
What carries me through right now is thinking about how God is worthy of my trust. It gets me through the next moment and the next, and the next. Thinking about what the "plan" might be only sabatoges my fragile emotions and ability to trust.
So for anyone who is wondering, God IS worthy of our trust. This pain has already been redeemed through God sacrificing his son for us. It's hard for me to wrap my head around, but it's a soft whisper to my battered soul. This pain has been redeemed and this struggle is not for naught; it points to God, the redeemer.