Friday, February 19, 2010

Sadness

It's seeming to really be heavy lately. It's a different sadness than before; the sadness earlier was an angry-sad.

While I know we are healing, it's still hard to look into the future and know this sadness will be with me for the rest of my life. To different degrees of course, but I am forever changed by it.

When we were doing our homestudy and thinking about the "how have you resolved your infertility" question, I remember thinking that my struggle initially started with not being able to be pregnant and give birth, but then became an issue of just being childless.

So not only do I grieve the loss of the 4 children and having them in our life, I'm also dealing with the sadness of being still childless.

8 comments:

kramerfamily said...

Angie,
Sometimes I don't know what to write to you b/c I don't have a reference point for what you are experiencing. I'm so sorry for your pain. I'm praying for you.

Wendi and Benjamin Wood said...

Will you guys still pursue a Colombian adoption? I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling. I am so sorry. I wish I could hug you and make things better. Only God can make it better or make you feel better, that is. Grief sucks all the way around. But God has promised us that he will never leave us or forsake...why you guys had to experience this, who knows... is it okay to be angry? absolutely! is it okay to be sad, mad and angry again, ABSOLUTELY! But talk about it...share the pain, don't try to carry the burden alone... God will put people in your path to support you.

And you know us in blogworld will continue to support you. Hang in there, my sister! Love ya! Consider yourself virtual hugged! =)

Chris and Mary said...

I continue to pray for you and your husband. I cannot imagine the pain you feel. I pray that God will grant you peace in the mist of sorrow.

Mary L.

Renee said...

Hey Angie,

We think of your family often and lift you up in prayer. I think there are a lot of people who would understand what you are experiencing now. Find those people and share, pray, grieve together.

Renee

Julie and Karl said...

Thinking of you lately. Praying for the Lord's lovingkindness and blessing upon you and Sean.

Jenn said...

praying for you!

Em and the Fam said...

Ang,
I am so sorry that you have this hurt. I love you a lot. You are my dearest friend. I don't know what you are going through, but I know you are hurting. I am praying for the hurting to go away.

Love
Em

Anonymous said...

Hi,
For some reason, I was led to your blog. I am a fellow blogger and a sister in Christ. I am also a teacher (but not teaching now.) Your blog has touched me and brought tears to my eyes. I have a friend who recently lost her baby--he was stillborn. I still cry for her. It's hard for me to understand her grief, but reading your blog helps me. I don't know what else to say except God has not forgotten you. Nor me or my friend or any of HIS children. Love from a sister in Christ,
Rachel