Saturday, December 17, 2011

We're having a baby in July

I truly thought that would be something I'd never be able to say. The past weeks have been filled with wonder, disbelief, excitement and peace.

When we began the adoption, I began to work on my expectations of life. Like lots of little girls, I grew up dreaming of the day I'd get married and have children. When that didn't turn out like I expected, it was rough. The struggle with infertility lasted a while. We made a decision that, unknown to us at the time, would change our lives forever. We decided to build our family through adoption.

When that didn't work out, and our hearts were crushed, full of love for the four children we'd been Mami and Papi to for such a short time, I didn't know if I would survive. Most of the time, I didn't think I would.

It's been 2 1/2 years since that awful day we said goodbye. In these 2 1/2 years, my belief of who God is, who He created me to be, and my role in His kingdom has radically changed.

Grief has changed me.

Being a childless mother has changed me.

Trusting God in the middle of hellish circumstances has changed me.

When we first discovered we were going to have a baby, I was in complete disbelief. "Not me," I'd think, "I don't get pregnant."The reality of Gods great grace and mercy hit me hard. There was no way I deserved this. So many times I'd doubted Him. So many times I'd been unwilling to open my hands and trust Him in the middle of my pain.

And that is the wonder of God's grace. We don't deserve it. And yet He still gives good things to His children. For His glory.

All Glory be to God in the Highest!


Anne said...

After going through the refiner's fire :).

Megan said...

Wow!! Many congratulations! Amazing, amazing news!

Megan said...

Wow! Many congratulations! Amazing, amazing news!

kristin said...

Wonderful news... What a wonderful blessing for your weary heart. Congratulations!

Kimberly said...

This is amazing, wonderful news. Congratulations. I began following your blog before your heartbreaking trip. I've prayed for you as you sought God's peace and comfort during the difficult time and now I am rejoicing to be able to pray for you during this exciting time!

Sherri said...

Praise the Lord! Rejoicing for you in Western NY. God is so kind. I feel as though you will be one of those moms that will appreciate and have a joy in parenthood that others miss for having come across it more easily. God will truly bless you, and none of your suffering will be wasted!

valerie said...

WOW!!!!!!!!!! Praise GOD from whom all blessings flow! This is the best Christmas present EVER! SOOOO happy for you!

Wendi and Benjamin Wood said...

like! like! like!!!!!!!!

we never know what god has in store for us. it is so hard to trust when we are shaken. grief is a hard thing. grief stinks! but as you said... god's grace, well that's something so very different. i am so very happy HAPPY for you!

you and your husband have been lifted in prayers! now, that baby that you've longed to hold in your arms will soon join you! will be praying for all THREE (or more?) now!

love from mississippi! wendi

Ruth (the blogger) said...

i am SO THRILLED for you!!! PRAISE GOD!!! you and the baby will be in my prayers.

Jenn said...

Congratulations! I stumbled upon your blog today and went back a few years to read. Wow, if you only knew me and how similar our stories are. I too was adopting a little boy and then after 6 months and being the only mama he ever knew, he was gone. Gone...not dead, just ripped from my life back to his birth mother. No one ever completely understands anothers pain but I have had a child that WAS MINE, and lost that child. Only to have people wonder why I hurt so bad after I only had him for 6 months...He was mine. He is mine. I am praying for your journey through adoption and I can tell you there is a "rest of the story." God is so good. So amazing and so mind blowing. He loves you more than you will ever know and he loves your babies. I hope we are able to connect. feel free to email me at

jennifer anderson said...

So Awesome! Thanks for sharing.