Sunday, August 31, 2008

Not the weekend we had hoped for...

Well, our plans for this labor day weekend suddenly changed when S called on Friday afternoon. He'd been switched to a different jobsite and that site is working 12's. Sooo, he wouldn't be home at 3:45 like usual. It would be more like 7. And, they are working on Saturday and Sunday too. So yesterday was a very loooong day for me. Around 3:30, I was so tired of being home by myself. However, I WAS glad that we now have a doggie to keep me company. The only thing is, she is used to S getting home around 4 too, and she started pacing and "grunting" by the front door then until he came home! It was pretty funny. Every time she'd hear a diesel like noise her ears would prick up and she'd stand motionless listening. And then when it wasn't S's truck, she'd go back to grunting and pacing.

We were supposed to go up to E-town today (Sunday), to visit with the family, but now that won't be happening. S will be wiped out tomorrow, so we probably will just be around home relaxing.

In other news, we filled out a grant application for Shoahannah's Hope and just recieved our last recommendation that we need to send in with it. Receiving a grant would be a blessing!

We've also been speaking with our SW to be reevaluated for 3/4 siblings. It's taking a long time though, so it's easy to get frustrated. I think the most frustrating thing is that this past year and a half we've already been doing things to prepare for that number of kids. So to have to do it all over again, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, just adds "emotionality" to the whole thing. Because of course we don't even know if she'll approve us. And at this point, short of actually getting a degree in social work, all the talking to families, a psychologist, and the multitude of books we've read has pretty well opened our eyes to what we could be "getting ourselves into". So as the attachement psychologist said, "There's no way to really prepare for this. Just be as knowledgeable as you can about the different issues that may come up."

I think the hardest thing now is that I second guess myself. It's as if by going through all this again, I sense doubt from others and then doubt myself. I mean it's things like, "Will I really be able to cook for that many kids?" and then I tell myself, "A, you never had a problem cooking for S's Bible study of 8-10 GUYS!" Or, will I really be able to get myself out of bed when the kids need me?" And then I say, "A, you get yourself out of bed even when S needs to go to work at 5 and wakes you up at 4:30!

We still trust the Lord for the family that He has for us. So if you would pray that we would stay strong in the Lord and be able to ignore the doubts that are thrown our way.


Em and the Fam said...

Doubts will always come... that's why they call him the great deceiver! However, its what you do with those doubts that helps!

I was a very worried, too, about how our lives would change and wondered if I was up to the task. Once your family grows and you are face to face with YOUR babies, things start changing within. A special place in your heart is unlocked and the love pours out. It always takes time to adjust, but the change is in motion nonetheless. You are able to do things you never fathomed possible... like stay up through the night and still manage to make it through the next day. It is amazing the kind of superhuman strength you have to be there for your babies!!! Not to say that you'd feel GREAT if you stayed up and met everyone's needs.... changing wet sheets, calming a nightmare, feeding an infant... yada yada yada... but that's where all the jokes come in about trying to remember if you've brushed your teeth! YOu become so selfless (and sleep deprived) at times it is easy to forget even the simplest "pleasures" ... you know, like basic hygiene. Ha!
YOU CAN DO IT... and you'll be great at it!

Genece said...

Good luck on the grant application. We didn't get that particular one but we did get a smaller grant from Hadassah's Hope. You may want to look into that one and apply there too.
Praying for you, definitely!! I know how much of a struggle the wait can be. Continue to stay strong in the Lord!