Still nothing

Well, we still haven't heard if the agency is any closer. Tomorrow is the deadline...but it's Saturday. So we've passed the deadline. Honestly, it's hard to see why this has happened. We've been working on this adoption for 1 1/2 years and we still can't send in our dossier!!!! I just hope that one day when I look back, I'll be able to see just a little bit of why God has set this in our path.

On a lighter note, we were talking last night about the larger vehicle we'll need. Obviously we won't all be able to fit in my Jeep. We've decided that the best way to go would be to get a 2wd diesel excursion. What? you ask? A gas hog? Well technically no; it takes diesel fuel. But when you think about it, a vehicle large enough to haul 6 people and their stuff and a dog,...a minivan isn't going to cut it. And a minivan gets about 18 mpg UNloaded. So what happens when you load it to the max? Fuel economy goes down. That won't happen with the diesel. And we'll have room to grow. ;)

But my question for everyone reading is,

Do we get bucket seats in the middle or a bench seat?

Waiting, WAITing, WAITING

I'm trying to be patient, I really am. But it's hard!! And it doesn't help that every little hug I get from my precious kids at school just makes me think of my very own hijos....somewhere in Colombia.

And then today, I was clarifying where one of my 1st grader's parents were from and she said, Colombia. I nearly teared up right there. And then I almost told the whole group that I was going there! Don't want to do that yet! A little premature.

Please Lord, let it be soon.

Pictures from Camping

Camping

Well Friday I was finally feeling better after being stuck home for 3 days. (Friday we didn't have school.) I was supposed to take our documents downtown to get apostilled, but as i was putting them in order I realized that one of them had been notarized incorrectly. "Oh my," I said. At that point, I knew I wouldn't be going downtown. I instead called to have the place send me a new paper with a correct notarization. The funny thing is, I don't know why I didn't catch that when I looked it over before, nor do I know why our "RIP" OH agency didn't catch it when they saw it too!

But as it turned out, I had planned way more for Friday than what was actually realistic. (But then again, I'd just done sub plans for 3 days where I'd planned more than what could actually be done in a day....so I guess I was in a groove.)

We got all our stuff packed up to go camping. Oooooh, I was so excited! We were headed to WV to camp in the mountains. It was great fun...except that on Saturday night, the low was in the 20's. I was fuureeezing!!! We woke up to thick frost on the tent, and everywhere. We had good warm sleeping bags that were rated for even colder temps, but I guess I don't maintain heat well or something. It was a blast though. I sure do love camp cooking!

We took Veda the doggie too, and she did great. She'd wander around with us for a while, and then ask to get back in the truck. That's where she spent her time sleeping, and when we hiked up the mountain.

It was a great weekend to just get away and be refreshed. Ahhhhh, when can we do it again! ;)

We still haven't heard about the homestudy agency's approval. At this point, we know that it may well be spring before we get a referral. That's a little hard to think about, but then I remind myself that it probably WILL be spring and so I can look forward to it. I just feel like I'm in this state of emotional hibernation though. I want to be excited about finally having children, but yet I don't want my heart to be wrung out again. So I "hibernate" those emotions.

I have to say though, God has certainly taken care of us the past few years as we went through infertility and the hiccups with adopting. I look back at each struggle and remember, "God took care of us then, and He continues to." It is not easy, and there are lots of times that I just feel like giving into my sinful emotions and thoughts. And sometimes I do when I flat out refuse to turn from the sin.

Trusting God is a narrow path. I fall off a lot. But God is gracious, and all I have to do to get back on is turn my eyes to Him and confess that I can't do this without Him.

Ok, so this wasn't just about camping. :)

It was bound to happen

at some point this year. I usually get sick once or twice a year. And it hit me pretty good on Friday. I went to work on Monday, only to realize that I couldn't talk. So I stayed home yesterday and today...because I have no voice. Hopefully it comes back because I want to save my sick days for when I'm really going to need them....like when we go to Colombia!!! But maybe since I"m sick now, I won't get sick in Colombia? A girl can only hope, right!

Friday I plan to bundle up all our documents and take them to the Clerk of Courts and then to the Sec. of State to get apostilled. Then as soon as the homestudy is done, I just have to run it down to the Sec. of State and we can send it all off. (Thankfully we live 10 min from downtown.) There's no school on Friday, so it works out just great. So if the homestudy agency could get approval by next week...maybe we could get the dossier sent to Colombia before November? It sure would be fun to have a referral by Christmas, but I think that would be pushing it a little. But I've always been good at dreaming......:)

Psalm 130

A song for pilgrims ascending to Jerusalem.

From the depths of despair, O Lord,
I call for your help.
Hear my cry, O Lord.
Pay attention to my prayer.
Lord, if you kept a record of our sins,
who, O Lord, could ever survive?
But you offer forgiveness,
that we might learn to fear you.
I am counting on the Lord;
yes, I am counting on him.
I have put my hope in his word.
I long for the Lord
more than sentries long for the dawn,
yes, more than sentries long for the dawn.
O Israel, hope in the Lord;
for with the Lord there is unfailing love.
His redemption overflows.
He himself will redeem Israel
from every kind of sin.

Honesty

When people are truly honest with their feelings, it's uncomfortable. I guess that's why I like this blog. I can be honest, and if people are uncomfortable, I don't have to see it! Anyway, I was sharing with someone my frustration over the Homestudy taking so long with the agency not being able to operate right now. And they were uncomfortable with my frustration.

Of course I'm frustrated. Have I lost all hope? No! But I'm allowed to be frustrated! I think that's the uncomfortable part. People don't want to have to deal with the hurt they see. So they say something, hoping to just make it go away (which it won't) instead of just validating the other person's feelings.

That's hard to take over and over! So it makes me think about our kids. They're going to have a ton of feelings that we may not have dealt with before. And our job as parents will be to validate them and walk them through those feelings. Not just brush the feelings aside and say "God has a plan". (Which He does, but it becomes a trite saying sometimes.)

So I have to say, even though I don't like the waiting, I'm learning from it. I'm able to see how I react to people brushing off how I feel, and then think about how I'm going to react to my kids. And then I go try it out on the kids at school. :) And hey, what do you know? It works!! It's amazing to see how quickly a kid will calm down if you just speak what they're feeling and allow them to cry instead of telling them "it'll be ok" (which it might not) or saying, "1st graders don't cry, you're a big kid now" (come on! I cry!!)

uugghhh

So, it's been a while that we've been waiting for our homestudy update. Well, we just found out today that it's going to be even looooonnnnnggggeeer. AAAAhhhhh!!!!! Evidently the homestudy agency (not CHI) is audited every September and when they were this time, one piece of documentation was missing. They didn't get their approval. So our homestudy can't be completed now until they get reapproved.

Stink. Stink. Stink. Stink.